From the Saved By The Bell Is Still Funny Dept.

So by now I'm sure you've all heard about the Screech sex tape (complete with Dirty Sanchez). Hehehe, Dirty Sanchez. Anyway, Best Week Ever decided to come up with their own Saved-By-The-Bell-style bedroom antics (link probably NSFW). By far the best one:

The Dick Belding:
In which one performs a series of generally vile sex acts until their partner is forced to finally turn around and say, “Hey hey hey, what is going on here?”

Bwahahahaha!!!!!!! I'll bet there was a Rod Belding too, but it probably wasn't suitable to print.

National exposure hurts more

Apparently Jerry Crasnick is the only person outside of Baltimore to notice that the Orioles suck, with little hope for improvement.

Sigh.

What are the odds?

So after banging out some code for a couple hours in total silence, I suddenly get the urge to crank up some tunage. As I'm digging out my iPod I start mentally humming a tune that's started to grow on me in the last few weeks. After plugging in the iPod and hitting Shuffle Play, the first song played is the song I was thinking of! How weird is that? Perhaps a little clairvoyance on my part? Or was it pure coincidence? Is it possible that I influenced the future? If that's the case, I'm thinking of Jennifer Love Hewitt becoming my new coding partner. :D :D :D

PS. It turns out the odds of that happening are 1 in 108... (the song, not JLH)

A Sixth Venture Into Linuxland

Last week I read a couple positive reviews of Novell's OpenSuSE 10.1 release and decided to give linux yet another chance to become my main desktop OS. I've tried this several times before, starting with RedHat 7.3, then Mandrake 8 and 9, SuSE Linux 9, and most recently (last year) an attempt to get Gentoo up and running. The biggest "failure" was likely Gentoo, since I only had it up in a VM and once I installed it (an invigorating, nerdy exercise), I barely touched it.

As a desktop OS, my previous experiences with Linux have been disappointing, hence my death grip on Windows. Obviously, the desktop experience in RedHat wasn't anywhere near NT4/2000 at the time I tried it. It was extremely clunky, the GUI (Gnome) was very slow, and it was difficult to discern what apps I needed to use to accomplish my Windows-equivalent tasks. Mandrake was much better from an installation/configuration perspective, but I still found the environment to be more a collection of utilities rather than a single OS. I began using KDE as my window manager/desktop environment and I liked it much better than Gnome. SuSE 9 Pro had better hardware support and package management than Mandrake, but the desktop environment was still clunky, and it still wasn't obvious where I had to go or what utilities I needed to use for basic system admin tasks. I'd consult texts or online resources for answers to those questions, and instead of finding a simple "To do this, use this like this", I found "You can do this with aaa, bbb, ccc, ddd, eee, fff". Well great, that's a nice selection of tools, but how do you use them? (I know, RTFM...)

Enough background, on to my initial impressions of OpenSuSE 10.1. I installed it last night in a VM, and it took about an hour to complete. I pretty much accepted the default settings and chose KDE (v3.4) as my desktop. The installer correctly identified my VM hardware, including video and network, I didn't have to configure any of it. The only change I made was the screen resolution. After setting a root password and creating an account for myself, setup was complete. I would put that installation on par with that of Windows XP. Simple, and results in an initial setup that "just works" (you anti-MS folk can insert a virus/security joke here).

Reboot, and I see a typical linux boot process, with lines of text explaining each event occurring while the OS initializes. Once that's finished I was presented with a very nice looking graphical login screen, kind of a mix between Windows XP and OS X. I logged in and was dumped into KDE 3.4. Nice. Graphically, I am really impressed with KDE. The window frames look professional, the KDE menu is well organized. I didn't have a chance to do much else but test out Konqueror, KDE's file/web browser. I was curious to see how certain sites looked, since Apple's Safari is based on the Konqueror rendering engine. Sites like CBS Sportsline are obviously targeted for IE, and until Firefox 1.3 was released I couldn't use another browser to view them. However, I was pleased to find that Konqueror displayed CBS' page just fine. The page rendered properly, and all the client-side javascript appeared to be working as expected.

My initial impression of this linux distro is very positive. My only beef so far is that the desktop environment still seems a bit slow, but I think that's because it's running in a VM. Assuming all goes well with further testing, I'll install it on my workstation and find out just how slow or fast it really is.

Baltimore Baseball: Feast or Famine

Because I'm making this post at work, I'll throw a little code in here so at least I'm programming something ;)

if (theOrioles == CRAP)
{
    switch (myMood)
    {
        case MOOD_HAPPY:
            hopeForAReboundTomorrow();
            break;
        case MOOD_DISGUSTED:
            changeChannel();
            break;
        case MOOD_OUTRAGED:
            rantAndRave();
            break;
        case MOOD_DELIRIOUS:
            dealOrNoDeal();
            break;
        default:
            watchMoraAndTejadaBat();
            watchGibbonsMakeAssOfSelf();
            changeChannel();
            break;
    }
}
else
{
    // warning: this statement generates the compiler error
    //  "unreachable code"
    cheerObnoxiously();
}

And just so you're wondering, right now myMood == MOOD_OUTRAGED. Take a look at the O's roster and see if you notice anything. Done? Maybe you didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but watching the O's for the past 6 years or so has driven me to give this piece of advice to Flanagan and Co. Pay attention, Mikey, this one's for you:

Just because a player hails from Latin America doesn't mean he's a good ballplayer!

Ahem. I don't mean that in a bigoted, racist way. I'm simply saying that country of origin shouldn't be the sole factor in determining a player's value or potential. It seems to me that around five years or so, give or take, MLB imported some tremendous Latin American talent, such as Alfonso Soriano, Albert Pujols, Miguel Tejada, etc. It appeared, from a moron's perspective, that Latin America was brimming with megastars, and all you had to do was land in the Dominican Republic with a plane ticket and you could leave the airport with the latino Babe Ruth. That was probably close to the truth very early on, as teams swooped in to gobble up the best Latin America had to offer. Unfortunately for teams like the Orioles, they missed that bus. So now it seems like the O's are focusing exclusively on latino "talent" in the hopes of uncovering a superstar. Fat chance.

Guess what, guys. Most of these kids just aren't very good. "Sendy Rleal? How do you pronounce that? Yeah, I can't say it either, so he must by dynamite! Sign him up before the Yankees get to him!" Meanwhile, Brian Cashman is chuckling to himself in the back of the room.

Hey O's front office and talent scouts - are you paying attention to what's happening on the field? Rleal sucks. He's 26. His stuff is mediocre at best. He doesn't have the mentality to be dominating. He rattles easily. He doesn't think through an entire at-bat. He's just not a good pitcher, and I don't think Mazzone can help him much. Luis Matos? I guess being part bionic man (titanium shin) hasn't helped him. He still sucks. Can't hit, can't throw. He chases down balls in the outfield pretty well but that's it. Here's a tip - give the guy some vitamins with his meals every day so his body stops falling apart. Raul Chavez - who? Exactly. Luis Terrero? He's a poor-man's Tony Tarasco, so what does that tell you? I know he's just filling a spot while our starters heal up, but c'mon. Why not give Fiorentino some extra MLB at-bats while we can? Julio Manon? Who's this guy? I haven't seen him pitch, probably because I've already changed the channel by the time he enters a game, but it doesn't sound like he's lighting hitters up.

I guess that's enough of a rant for now. I'm just tired of sitting at home and watching the Orioles parade a bunch of never-will-bes in front of me, hoping against hope that they've managed to find the next Pujols or Johan Santana. Trust me, they haven't. Yes, Tejada, Melvin Mora and Javy Lopez (before the 1st-base fiasco) are the real deal. I just wish the O's would realize that latino ballplayers are just like everyone else - some are great, most aren't. Nationality doesn't make a ballplayer.

Meet Your 2006 Whistlin' Dixies!

The 2006 baseball season has finally begun, and not a moment too soon. And as the Major League Baseball season opens today, so does that of Eastern League Baseball. Your hometown Dixies are reigning division champs and earned the best regular-season record last year. Unfortunately, last year's "Limp Dix" (as my commissioner so lovingly calls them) decided to collectively clam up in the first playoff game, ending a brief post-season run. This year the Dixies are looking to build on last year's success and find themselves in the ELB Championship Series.

The 2006 draft was held on Saturday, March 18 at 8:30 pm. Last year the Dixies, hoping to bolster its pitching staff for a long playoff run, traded their 2006 1st round draft pick for Mark Buehrle. That proved to be costly, however, as Buehrle laid an egg in the playoffs and the Dixies failed to advance. It wasn't all doom & gloom, however, as the Dix still had six stellar keepers heading into this season's draft. Here they are:

• Manny Ramirez, OF, BOS


• Hideki Matsui, OF, NYY


• Miguel Tejada, SS, BAL


• Ryan Howard, 1B, PHI


• Mark Buehrle, SP, CWS


• Carlos Zambrano, SP, CHC

A typical snake-style draft, it began what was essentially round 7, accounting for everyone's 6 keepers. The Dixies' strategy was simple - don't get swept out of any single position, and when in doubt, take the best player on the board. Starting pitching and second base were of particular concern, as they passed on keeping Roger Clemens. Without further ado, here is how the draft played out for your hometown heroes.

1. NO PICK


2. (17) Aubrey Huff, OF, TB
   I like Huff, and with an improved Tampa lineup I believe he's due for a nice rebound. Eligibility at 3B doesn't hurt either.


3. (40) Freddie A. Garcia, SP, CWS
   Garcia was far and away the best pitcher on the board at this point, as I believe he was vastly undervalued by other managers. Rather than test how undervalued I thought he was, I decided to grab him now.


4. (45) Ivan Rodriguez, C, DET
   I was hoping to pick up Varitek here, as he was a huge contributor on the Dixies last year, but he was already taken (3rd pick in round 1!). With an improved lineup, new manager and better team morale, I feel I-Rod is still a solid catcher, and certainly the best remaining on the board at this point.


5. (68) Zach Duke, SP, PIT
   I'm not sure if I consider this pick a steal or not. I had him valued pretty high, so I certainly didn't expect to pick him up in round 5. Hoping for a continuation of last year, which would be a tremendous #4 Dixies starter.


6. (73) Mark Loretta, 2B, BOS
   Wow, Loretta in round 6! I'm big on Loretta, a Dixie a couple seasons ago. He says his thumb is just fine, and his spring numbers back that up. He's a great contact hitter with decent pop, and Fenway should be a good park for him. I was targeting Jorge Cantu, but he was nabbed back in round 1 (#10).


7. (96) Billy Wagner, RP, NYM
   I may have jumped the gun a little on this pick, but Wagner has been a Dixie for years, and I really wanted him. Here's hoping that the Mets' starters and bullpen can actually get a game to Billy...


8. (101) Ryan Zimmerman, 3B, WAS
   If Zimmerman continues to hit like he did last year and during the spring, this pick may qualify as a steal. I didn't know much about him until the spring and my draft prep work, but the more I read, the more I liked. The only problem I have is, of course, his hailing from UVA.


9. (124) Greg Maddux, SP, CHC
   I needed a fifth starter, and The Professor was the best of the rest, IMO. I don't expect another Cy Young, but 15 wins would be terrific.


10. (129) Jonny Gomes, OF, TB
    I needed another big stick, and Gomes has tremendous upside. I just hope he gets the at-bats needed to realize his potential. Who knows that the hell is going on in that Tampa Bay lineup.


11. (152) Kris Benson, SP, BAL
    Younger guy with big, untapped potential + Leo Mazzone = 18 wins (hopefully).


12. (157) Delmon Young, OF, TB
    Well, eventually he'll be an outfielder in Tampa. Right? I was targeting Prince Fielder with this pick, but the commish grabbed him up six picks earlier. I thought I'd stash Young away on my bench in hopes of a second-half rookie explosion.


13. (180) Brian McCann, C, ATL
    I wanted a solid backup for Rodgriguez, and if he's good enough that the Braves traded away Estrada, then he's good enough to ride my bench.


14. (185) Kenny Rogers, SP, DET
    Another Dixie just a season ago, and a decent pick at this point in the draft.


15. (208) Carl Everett, OF, SEA
    Just looking for some more bench power, and Everett can get the job done in a pinch.


16. (213) Trevor Hoffman, RP, SD
    Fantastic pick, I believe. He joins his Dixie teammate from last year in the bullpen, Billy Wagner. I was shocked I was able to pick him up this late as he had a pretty good season for me last year when Wagner was hurt. Another solid season could see him pass Smith as the saves leader.


17. (236) Jeff Bagwell, 1B, HOU
    Uhh, it was late and I decided to gamble on a huge return for Bags. Doesn't look like that's going to pan out...


18. (241) Alex Gonzalez, SS, BOS
    Yeah, he's gone, I already replaced him with Carlos Guillen. I guess I should have sought backup for Tejada before the last round... :)

And there you have it, your 2006 Whistlin' Dixies. Hope to see you at the park!

If a Post Falls in the Titwillow, Would Anyone Notice?

So much for the triumphant return of The Tit, eh? Life is much busier than I anticipated with a little one. Thank God for TiVo, because otherwise I don't think I'd get to watch anything (except for my man AB, who desperately needs some new episodes).

Speaking of TiVo, last night we watched the season finale of The Shield. I'm pretty sure I've recommended this show here before, but regardless it deserves another plug: BEST DRAMA ON TELEVISION. It's better than Lost, which was beginning to creep up on it. This season's finale solidified The Shield as my top show.

Overall I liked Season 5 much better than Season 4, with the show returning to its "roots" as it were: Vic & his team against the establishment, though this season brought in a new element - their consciences. Excellent, excellent television, folks.

It's hard to comment on this season's finale without giving anything away (for those who decide to begin watching from Season 1, you won't be disappointed). However, I will say that for most of the episode I was uneasy. Will they or won't they, will he or won't he, do I want them to or don't I? I kept Kerry-ing back and forth, totally undecided on what I wanted the outcome to be. Well, suffice it to say that I was completely shocked with the results, to the point that I began to feel slightly queasy. That sounds pretty gay, but it's true. I don't think I've ever been as emotionally invested in a television show as I am with The Shield.

The only other TV moment I can compare it to is the stabbing of John Carter on ER a while back. To this day, it remains the best dramatic scene I have ever seen on television. Unfortunately, I think the background music and volume has been changed for syndication because I've watched that episode several times since its original airing and it isn't how I remember it. Last night I watched a scene leap into second place (if you watch it, you'll know what scene I'm talking about). Phenomenal.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. Do yourself a favor and rent Season 1. If you're not hooked by the end of episode 1, then you may not like it. My guess is you will.

Fun for the Whole Family

Here's a neat experiment that I just created that you can do with the kids.

 
 
 

1. Brush your teeth


2. Use one of the blue Listerines (I forget which one, but it was a darker blue)


3. Drive to work


4. Take a sip of a Cranberry Nantucket Nectars (We're juice guys!!)

Neat, huh? The aftertaste tastes like the runny yolk of an egg. The real experiment, though, is whether you're man enough to take another sip. I am, but I don't think that's something my man AB would call Good Eats^TM.

From the Weird Spam Dept.

I'm sure we've all seen our share of weird/sick/funny spam, but I just received one with a subject line that I just don't understand:

If you think your penis looks like a sponge,

What?!? What the hell does that mean? Are there men out there that actually look down and think, "You know, I'll bet I could wipe down the sink with it..." Does the author really expect men to read that and thank their lucky stars that their suffering may finally be over?

Wow. I don't really have anything else to say. I guess now I have to decide whether to open it. My curiosity is running wild.

Update

I couldn't resist, I just had to open it. Amazingly, I found this gem inside:

Your wife prefers your dog’s penis to yours?

Bwaahahahahaa!! Whew! Looks like I dodged a bullet there, my dog doesn't have a penis.

From the Tradition is for Suckers Dept.

So I was thinking about what our little boy would call The Wife^TM and I once he's able to talk. Mom/Mommy Dad/Daddy just seems so normal and boring. I wanted something that was different, something that would make his friends say "Who?" I wrestled with this for a while, and then it hit me: StrongDad and The Teat! It's perfect! And the best part is, I can talk in that strange throaty voice.

"You just wait until StrongDad gets home!"

"I don't know, go ask The Teat."

Brilliant! The only downside is, we'll have to rename the dog Trogdor...

From the Scott Hamilton is a Midget Dept.

I didn't change the channel after American Idol, allowing me to see the beginning of Fox's newest blunder, Skating With Celebrities. First, I was surprised to hear Summer Sanders was a co-host with Scott Hamilton. I mean, after the skating is over, are they going to melt the rink and ask her to dive in? Then, I actually looked at the television screen - Summer Sanders dwarfed Scott Hamilton! I had no idea he was so tiny. Even Debbie Gibson towered over him.

Unfortunately, they don't have the obvious skater/celeb matchup - Brian Boitano and Bronson Pinchot. Or something.

All Hail the Return of The Tit!

Hmmm... maybe I should pick a different nickname, perhaps The Willow. The Tit might be a little too provocative for some tastes. It's funnier though.

Anyway, it's been about a month since I lamented about my lost nuts, but I think I have a valid excuse. During the week I am pretty much bushwhacked by late evening. I hate sitting in traffic, so to avoid the beltway bumper-to-bumper boogie, I'm up at 4:30 and out the door by 5:45. Actually, it's turned out to be a pretty good deal for me (now I ast ya). I'm working by 6:30, it's nice & quiet for a couple hours before most other people show up, and I'm out the door by 3:00, home by 3:45.

Aside from my early-bird schedule, there is of course young Aidan. Jaime is nice enough to get up with him during work nights and let me sleep, but I usually wake up anyway, if only for a short time.

So, as I was saying, things are starting to settle down in some semblance of normalcy, so expect bigger and better things from The Tit. (Yeah, I just like that better - juvenile humor isn't just for kids.)