From the Pathetic College Football Dept.

Ha ha! You suck Miami! The Hokies have new life in the ACC. Now I'm fired up again, and I want Florida State.

Hey Wheat Thins! Take your top off!

Family Guy has become the new anchor of Fox Sunday nights, supplanting The Simpsons which has become patently unfunny. What the hell happened? The past two seasons were simply atrocious, and this season has forced me to make a decision I thought I would never have to make - should I continue watching new episodes of The Simpsons?

[Insert punch line here]

Long gone are the glory days of Conan O'Brien. Sharp, sometimes biting satire coupled with silly and often sweet humor have been replaced by template episodes riddled with awful yuks reminiscent of the DJ 3000 ("Don't praise the machine!"). While some satire remains, nearly all of the jokes have lost their silly quality and have drifted into the "dumb for the sake of being dumb" category. I've lost count of how many times Homer has claimed not to be guilty of some behavior and then do it as soon as he finishes talking. Hardy har har.

You're fired. Aw geez, for how long?

Thankfully, Family Guy has come roaring back to save the collective asses of Fox programming executives. The three episodes I've seen this season (the rest are tucked away safely on my Tivo) have had me cackling out loud for most of the show. Osama bin Laden's outtakes reel followed by the title homage to Police Squad!/The Naked Gun was simply brilliant. The Simpsons used to have that gutty, satirical edge. That's what kept the show popular for so long. "Don't have a cow man" has only a short comedic lifetime, but social and political commentary are forever. Here's hoping that the writers of Family Guy understand that and keep up the great work.

Bandwidth Buster of the Day

Until I can sit down and actually post something lucid, you're stuck with referrals to the strangest the Web has to offer. God knows why these guys did what they did, but the attention to detail is impressive. I just wonder if they're hip to the Cochrane/Consopolis discrepancy?

Long live Full House!

From the Priceless Halloween Costume Dept.

The movie is the very definition of lame, but the resulting Halloween costume made me laugh... harder than I laughed at the movie.

Wilkommen, bienvenu, welcome, c'mon in!

Feeling grievously uncool, I've decided to join the millions of others in the online movement that is sweeping the planet. A capital idea! And if I get lucky, maybe someone will actually read this God-forsaken tripe.

Toodles!